A Dearest Farewell to our Favorite Press Secretary
Spicey, Spice-Dog, Old Spice, Spice n’ Dice, Spicey Hot! Oh, how you will be missed! Friday morning White House Press secretary Sean Spicer announced his resignation, citing the naming of new White House communications director, Anthony Scaramucci, as the primary reason. Spicer will be replaced by Deputy Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders. The move comes after weeks of audio only Press Conference have been led by Sanders.
Spiced-T, Spice man of the Spice girls, Spice Lee. What are we going to do without you? I mean besides making a mockery of the White House Press core, you were the Sweetheart of the administration. You faced the press day after day with the face of a kindergartener who just shit themselves and the logical rhetoric of a hostage defending its captor. You were the perfect embodiment of an administration in chaos. Hiding from reporters in the bushes, leaving the press briefing without answering questions, journalists would chant your name “Sean! Sean! C’mon Sean!” only for them to receive the turned back and lingering, cinnamon gum-scented farts. Hopefully, your absence won’t interrupt this administration's ongoing war with accountability, factual information, and reality as a whole, but I’m sure the lies will just keep coming!
The only thing better than watching this dumpster fire was watching this dumpster fire….on Spice! So long!